Self Resentment

I am an idiot. When it comes to schoolwork, I am an absolute imbecile. Anyway, so it's 5 a.m. on Friday. I have a test today at 2, and in the meantime I will be writing several articles and papers that I should have done in the semester. but nooooo.... I had to wait until the absolute last day. I don't know what's wrong with me. So, some good news, I will be moving into a bigger room. It's in the same apt, but just across the way. I was thinking for a bit, maybe it wasn't worth it, because it's a little more expensive, but then I look back at my cramped little room, and I'm like... well... I do like more room. But then, now since I'm not at school it's not like I'm gonna need the study room and stuff. Maybe I should double it as an office? lol. right... for what? Anyway, I need a full time job. I have a part time right now, but I want a full-time to where I'll actually be gaining experience for stuff. I just don't know what to do. And then I have that whole -still trying to find a literary agent- thing to work on. And I haven't been able to find a ride to the airport, so I guess I'll just have to park there. Agh. I'm just not really happy with myself right now.

Embedded in the book store with no particular flavor in mind

So... I'm here at B+N, and I'm not finding anything particularly interesting. I'm trying to read 2 books I brought with me, but today they are not particularly interesting. I have 3 finals this week, and should be focusing on that, but since I slept 19 hours today. (Yes, 19. I was shocked too.) I want to be awake for quite a time. Therefore, I have coffee. As usual. I had a meal today, but yet again, it wasn't particularly interesting and I wasn't sitting sitting with any friends or anything so this might be just cause as to the feeling. I only have 1 week left, and then I will be off to Texas on Monday. I should make the most out of this week. So, I will be on a job hunt soon, but now that I'm looking at what actual options I have to work with, I might just extend my part-time to a full time. It's quite annoying. Also, I worked on my poetry manuscript last night, and wrote a 3-page poem. Now I'm rocking to my David Crowder mix on Pandora, not to make up for the fact that I missed church today, but I do love his music and others similar, and I probably need some spiritual stimulation today anyway. I'm surrounded by marketing right now, and sometimes I believe I can market better than these people anyway. Ugh, I hate being in this state where I'm stuck. The semester's practically over, so now the only things I have left to do are 3 tests left, and work, and a few papers (which I'll do tomorrow). I need to find a ride to the airport. Hm. just Hm. yup. Hm. la dee dahhhhhhda. I don't think they should be playing Christmas music yet, but that being said it's been playing for like a month now which is absolutely absurd. Well, it went back to the fifties again, but it will probably be back to the 30s in about a day. I just want to have a literary agent already so I know that my project is really in progress, but I wish I just had more patience. I am trying my best as a writer to have at least 1 thing a day, and I won't be a full-time writer or something b/c that's just not reasonable. Well... I suppose I'll just keep on walking, and the next week shall prove most entertaining. And I get to see my family agian :) And a debate reunion, and all that good stuff. Oh, the joy of finals week.

Like A Boss

I feel like I have my own private office. I'm in the library at 2:18 a.m. and almost no one is here, so I'm at the very very end In one of these cubicle-things that has a door and everything that's usually used for groups. I have my music playing, and everything just sprawled out on the table. I'm using the chairs like a lounger and all that as well. Yeah, I could get used to this. Anyway... can't get to sleep, and I have work at 8 a.m. tomorrow, so I'll probably stay here til like 4 a.m. max. I'm also trying to be constructive an write poetry, or try to get through a bit of literary theory or a Dawkin's book I brought with me. I think I'm in a writing rut. I'm writing about the same thing basically. It manifests itself in different ways, with slightly different tones, but they're practically about the same thing. I think I might consolidate these into one ginormous poem, but I don't know if that will defeat the purpose of what they actually represent or not. Hm... So... yeah... just wanted to report in a bit since I'm just kinda fiddling the night away.